MuffinZone

HERE.
This is where you will be fighting Commies.
With hover tanks.

Ok, some of you more... 'cultured'... readers out there may have heard of a game, released sometime in the mid/early 90's called Battlezone, and no, I'm not talking about the arcade game that looked like Tron and Doom drank a bottle of Black Velvet, did some LSD and then produced a child who would one day forge the one ring and have dominion over Middle Earth.  That's the wrong Battlezone.  The one I'm talking about involves fighting the Russians on the Moon with hover tanks during the cold war.  And no, that shit I'm actually not making up.

The official 1980's view of Russians courtesy
of capitalist America.
And yes, doing this on the moon would be a poor choice.

Now, to start off, this game was made in the 90's, so, it's old, but, contrary to popular belief these days, that does not mean it's shit.  It still looks presentable, the gameplay is still unparlleled in its genre, and the story is, well, it's still a story about America fighting Russia in space during the cold war over alien tech with hover tanks and mechsuits.  That alone should sell you on the game, oh, and one more thing, the word 'sell' isn't exactly appropriate here, since the game is, how do you say in America... FREE.  So, there's really no reason for you not to play this game, unless you have a crippling fear of joy, happiness, being American, or the empty void of space and decompression (in soviet russia, atmosphere decompresses you), in which case I think you may have a valid point.  But, for everyone out there who celebrates the fourth of July like a patriot and won't let a silly thing like a lack of breathable atmosphere hinder them from kicking commie ass throughout the solar system, then this, this is a game for you.

Ah, I love the smell of decompressing Russians
in the morning.

Onto the actual game.  It's a blend of a RTS and an FPS, you control your soldier or hover tank from a first person perspective, but also manage building a base, ordering other units, collecting resources and building an army, from said first-person-perspective.  That sounds a little... unwieldy.  But, in practice, it's not.  Harvesting in largely automated, and the menu system for building is quite streamilined, many modern games could stand to learn something here.  The unit commands also work well, although it is here that the FPS nature does hinder the game a bit, but, the strategies needed are not terribly complex, and with a little prep work some nifty tactics are pretty easy to accomplish.  The only main complain here is the A.I. which is, well, mid 90's A.I., which is to say Ham-Shit, no, not just 'shit', Ham-Shit, the shit that you get after eating a holiday meal with the family where your only escape from uncle bob's conspiracy theories is more ham, and that ham has nothing but malevolence for your digestion, and the shit which that ham ferments into is nothing more than pure, distilled, 150 proof evil.  That said, it doesn't break the game, it's still enjoyable, just be prepared for some frustration with pathfinding and targeting.

Anyway, I don't want to give away the story, because, well, surprising as it may be, a game about fighting 1970's era Ruskies on the moon actually has a decent plot, one worth playing though.  So, no spoilers for you.  Onto my arbitrary rating system:

Graphics: If you don't want to lower your standards you might need beer goggles this time, but hey, at least you don't need Black Velvet goggles.
Gameplay: patriotism at its best, only capitalists could mix RTS and FPS this well
Story: grade A ++, no utter fucking nonsense, no amnesia, just a giant ass government cover-up that miraculously doesn't sound like you estranged uncle who insists on wearing an aluminum foil hat at thanksgiving.
American-ism: we fucking won the cold war didn't we.
The Moon: still a bastard
A.I.: this is where you may actually want the Black Velvet goggles.

Overall Verdict:  your only valid excuse not to play this game is a crippling fear of enjoying life and being american, which is only a valid excuse if you a.) like in New Jersey or b.) are Fidel Castro.

New Jersey:
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.