Muffins of Light

And now for something completely different.

I'm going to prove that we, the motely crew here at the NoMuffinsForYou headquarters, that we, we us fine few, are cultured motherfuckers.  You read that right, no need to restart your computer, or, no, no, for fuck's sake don't unplug it to see if it stays on and that a demon is possessing your screen, this isn't para-fucking-normal shit here.  We are cultured bastards, dammit.

Ok, well, you're not convinced, I see you'll need some.... convincing.

So, here, I read a book.

And not just any book, you pretentious book-reading-bastard.  I'm talking about Lord of Light by a certain Mr. Sir. Lord Rodger Zelazny (I make no guarantee I spelled his name right, and yes, this cultured motherfucker is too lazy to check).  I'm sure all you doubters and haters out there who were, just moments ago so smug in your book reading skillz that you arduously leveled up over the years at the expense of social interaction and friends, now likely have no clue who or what I'm talking about.  Now, it's your turn to google shit.  That's right, I'm not linking to wiki for you this time you lazy bastard; you go write those letters, and shit, yo.  

...anyway....

I should probably stop trying to offend you.

Eh, fuck it, if you're reading this you're probably contributing less to society than I am, so do everyone a favor and become an organ donor.

...yeah... that might've offended some people....

Now, about this book that I've thus far only briefly mentioned.

Lord of Light is, by all estimations, one damn awesome book.  Ok, i can understand that you're skeptical at this point.  I've offered no proof after all, and that's not very scientific.  Now, let me point out that the first seven chapters can be read in any order, and the book will still make perfect fucking sense.  Let me challenge you with this, if you think that's not a show of literary shock and awe worthy of a good ole-fashioned American war; you try it, or even just name one other author that's pulled it off.  I'll give you a hint, even the great Frank Fucking Herbert didn't do that shit.  And no, Stephanie Meyer can't do that either, just, just no, no, if that was your first thought on this challenge then you need to spend your time burning money, and by 'burning money', I mean going to a shrink and spending hours upon hours of your life at $250/hr talking about yogurt and why your parents think, correctly, that you're a failure which they probably should have put up for adoption.  

Behold!
A picture, in a book review.
Now you feel right at home.
Don't let all those words and letters scare you.

So, it has clever writing, but is it good?  Well, yes, if you like things that are good, if you don't, then go read about sparkly stalker vampires that hang out in high-schools talking to minors about 10th grade level english; yes, that makes perfect fucking sense.  But it is good, and how can I show you this?  Well, consider that it's a fairly short book, just over 300 pages if I recall, and in that short span, Zelazny not only crafts an interesting tale, he not only just also creates multi-faceted characters with depth, that motherfucker also creates a whole damn world that rivals Arrakis and Middle Earth (granted, fewer pages equals less overall depth, but what needs to be there is there, and not a whole damn aplhabet for comic-con goers to learn).

Hm, what else does one say about books.... um, I'll simply state that Sir Zelazny crafts genuinely interesting characters, characters that are, thus far in my readership of sci-fi, classics, and other non-sense, truly unique; never before has one book contained so many sex changes and identity switching and still made perfect sense.  Anyway, what I would label as the real draw of the book is the world and the mythology upon which it is constructed.  It's based on Hindu mythology, and like any good American, you probably don't know jack-shit about that, except maybe that they really, really like cows, and, no, not in the same way that Scotsmen really like sheep (please, don't google that).  So, you have Hindu mythology, there's something new for your intellectually malnourished brain to digest right there.  Also, this implies reincarnation, which is a whole other load of sci-fi mindfuckery all together.

But really, I would say that it's a well crafted page turner written by someone who's likely won more awards for writing shit than everyone you'll ever meet combined will ever win for doing anything.  So, yeah, I'm not sure how else to endorse a book since there's no gameplay to critique, or nonsense plot to yell about, or graphics to insult, only damn good writing conveying characters through a story that's worth reading.

So, yeah, go read Lord of Light, or some other book.  A book that's not Twilight.

Or you'll become this guy.
And that's worse than a room with a Moose.