Christmastime Muffins

Look at this adorable little guy.
Your poor grammar and abuse of
abbreviations could end his life.
You don't want that, do you?

So, as you may or may not be aware, the Christmas season (which now starts in October?) is upon us! That's right boys and girls, this means that Santa will not be delivering anyone presents because he has been subsidized by a manufacturing company in Asia that is actually owned by an oil baron in the Caribbean. Or something like that. Maybe it's just because you all were very bad internet trolls who lack the ability to use proper grammar? You should get on that. Pay attention in English class, because, every time you use abbreviations like "totes" or "adorbz" or the abominable "LOL", a kitten is put in a burlap sack with several large bricks and tossed into an ocean. SO STOP IT, FOR THE SAKE OF THE KITTENS.

Any way, back to my original point: it's Christmas time. People have a wide variety of traditions for celebrating this beloved season, but they all seem to have the common denominator of unrestrained commercialism and material indulgence. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. Sitting around the living room with my family after a massive breakfast and opening presents with my family is one of the best memories I take from every year. However, it is the mad rush to the stores and the sense of entitlement that people seem to have that drives me abso-FREAKING-lutely over the top. I'll be honest, my parents still ask me for a Christmas list every year, but I find it more and more difficult to come up with items to put on the list every year. This may be because my tastes have changed and I really don't feel the need to ask for every new gadget that comes out. But I think it's because I've realized that I'm simply happy to give and receive gifts and spend the day with family members, some of whom I rarely have the opportunity to see due to college, work, or the simple fact that they live so far from home.

Bet you didn't see that coming, did you? The No Muffins For You crew making you realize that we're not all heartless, soulless bastards? Yeah, that's right.

So what's my point in all of this? If you haven't gathered, I am a proponent of buying gifts for family, friends, significant others, and even hobos on the local street corner. Somewhere in the midst of all the holiday rush, we lost sight of the actual joy of seeing someone's face light up when they get a gift that you really thought through and spent hours of planning to try and find exactly what they really wanted, whether they said it or not.

This brings me to my next point about Christmastime's over-commercialization: THE GOD-AWFUL EAR-RAPE THAT SOCIETY CALLS MUSIC AND INSISTS ON INFLICTING ON EVERY HUMAN BEING. To clarify, I absolutely love the classic renditions of such songs as "Mr. Grinch", "Winter Wonderland", "Let It Snow", and many, many more courtesy of the greats like Sinatra, Crosby, and the like. It's these mind-numbingly generic, poorly orchestrated, auto-tuned, pop renditions of those classic songs that I loathe. Not just hate, mind you. LOATHE. With every fiber of my being.

This is how you celebrate Christmas:
With fireworks, lasers, and insane guitar solos.

Now, this commercialization has produced quite a few covers of classic songs that I love dearly. For example August Burns Red's covers "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and "Carol of the Bells" are spectacular - so spectacular, in fact, that they have spawned a new term: CHRISTMOSH. And Trans Siberian Orchestra has yet to release an album that I don't love (read "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" is amazing). There are so many great covers out there. Plus, original tunes like MxPx's "Christmas Night of the Zombies" make the season enjoyable and lighthearted. All of these factors have led me to craft new Christmas playlists with music filled with talent that I truly enjoy.

So, what's the point of all this seemingly random rambling? My point is this: Christmas is a wonderful time of year filled with memories and fellowship that really has no equal. Don't forget it. Don't lose yourself in the rush to buy the newest iPhone (or whatever you youngins are after these days, I can't keep track). Take a moment to reflect on what makes this time of year valuable to you.

Merry Christmas from the curmudgeonly, grumpy, yet mildly amusing folks at No Muffins For You.