Tonight on Pokemuffins, pull up a chair, get yourself a nice cup of tea, and listen to me swear like a sailor whilst playing a video game. I promise I won't reference dogfights.
Oh no, wait, I was busy getting my ass kicked in Dig Dug. Hang on.
Yeeeeeah. Mount Moon. Gonna find myself some space rocks.
Man, they must really hate this ZUBAT guy. Maybe this girl can tell me what the fuck is up with this cave.
OH MAN NO WAY, SHE WOULD RATHER FIGHT THAN TALK. Shit just got reeeeal.
BECAUSE YOU SUCK.
And by "fossils", you must mean methamphetamine. Because everyone here is fucking tweaked.
But whatever. I have no time to waste on you, Iris. Go smoke your fossils behind a portable toilet and talk to someone who gives a crap. Rarg told me to find myself a Geodude so I can smash some shit up, so it's off on a kidnapping hunt we go. I keep imagining that once I find one it'll be wearing sunglasses and talk about geology and be smoking a joint, asking if I want to drive around in a Jeep Wrangler and listen to Phish. We can start a jam band and go to Ohio and -
OH SHIT. Someone has stolen his Jeep.
Time to fight my battles and help me repay that gambling debt.
Smells like... victory.
I don't know who the fuck throws rocks with giant fists at each other and still has friends after they've gotten out of the hospital. That thing is 44 motherfucking pounds.
This Geodude is a ladydude. Unfortunately "Anwar Sadat" is an entirely unsuitable name, so we'll go with Pawn's choice of "Little Dickens".
This can't be anything other than totally appropriate, I'm sure.
Just wait until you get to Celadon city and your mighty libertarian gets his intellectual ass raped by the local queen bitch "Palin" and her fucking water-types and utter fucking nonsense logic. There will be much joy, I assure you.
ReplyDeleteReading this during the middle of my work day has granted me unexplicable joy. I believe any Poke man enthusiast should follow your playthrough to truly experience the nonsensical truth: that they have been hit too many times in the head by flying Little Dicks in snowball fights. Oh yeah, I'm talkin about sex. I mean seriously, these people who enjoy a game about shorts and space rocks obviously cares only about the time it takes to remove said 'pants' and shove those rocks up their ass.
ReplyDeleteDamn Hippies...