@)!)
oh, wait....
2010!!!
I guess you can't put numbers in CAPS... but, again, oh well, maybe that's a problem that will be fixed in 2011, we can only hope.
But what I was trying to say was that 2010 is finsihed, done, kaput, never again to be encountered on humanity's presumably (mostly) linear path through the 4th and 5th dimensions, and it was a pretty decent year all things considered.
Now, I know what you're thinking about: the economy, the president, the Koreas, all those other "World Events" and other such 'important' nonsense, well, what I was talking about was the fun stuff: video games, movies, music, and other such shiny nonsense.
But wait, there's MORE!!
Not only shall I tell you what the best stuff from 2010 was, so that you can have your nostalgia trip and welcome 2011 in with the warmed over leftovers from 2010, but I shall also tell you the worst of 2010, beacuse, lets face, it was 365 days for people to create shit, and oh the shit they created.
So, first up, best and worst......
VIDEOGAMES!!!!
Best:
Ok, this is not an easy choice, but, I must say StarCraft II, it's simple an unparalleled gaming experience. Now, I could go on saying all the good things there are to say about this game, but, really, it's just a good game; the single player campaign is the best I've played in an RTS, only rivaled by World in Conflict, and the mutliplayer is... competitive, balanced, and very well executed- no complaints. If you don't like this game you may not be American, and could be exported to Canada, yes, exported; you will become a national product, or a biological weapon, depending on your level of hygiene, and, knowing the type of people who don't like StarCraft, or America, your hygiene might be bad enough to halve the birthrate in the Canada and cause sterility issues for those just in your general vicinity.
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| Seriously, even if you're not American, you should want to be part of this clusterfuck of awesome, and if you are American, you should be the one starting this. |
Now, you may not have even heard of this game, but it has many things going for it, namely: it's free, and it's awesome, and it's very, very fun. It is, technically, an "Online Arena Battle Game", but, basically, it's DotA, and if you don't know what DotA is, and I have to explain it to you, then you also obviously don't know what Google is either. But it's a FREE, streamlined, game client that offers very stategic, cometitve gameplay at a variety of skill levels, but also, it's a social game- you NEED a team, and you need to work with them to win, and it's great if that team is your friends. The game is almost like a social network in that respect, as you will meet people to game with, but not in that creepy "send me pics" kind of meeting, more of a "Lets ROFLSTOMP some n00bs" meet, and it's pretty nice, the userbase is, actually, generally decent, not like a certain Xbox Live service. But give the game a shot, it's fun, it's competitive, it has an overall decent user-base, and, it's Fuckin Free.
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| Oh, and you can play as a pyromaniac girl that summons her demonic giant ass teddy bear that's on fucking fire to kill everyone she doesn't like; the game is just that kind of badass. |
Hm, now this is tough, I haven't played that many shitty games, because, well, I don't waste money on them, BUT, there was Darkstar One on the xbox 360. Now, I know what you may be thinking: "But Darkstar One wasn't all that bad, good even." And, in some contexts, I would agree; however, it's an old PC game, from about 2006 +/- 1, and they RERELEASED it, as NEW, on the 360 and charged FULL price for this 4 year old game that wasn't all that great to start with, that is in my opinion, enough to win the Mr. McShitPants Award for Video Games.
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| Four years ago, this was a good game, now, it's just Microsoft giving gamers the finger. |
Music:
Best:
This one is a newbie to the table of music, Operatika. They've released only one album to my knowledge, but damn, holy fuck damn, their guitarist might just be the result of chuck norris and zeus having a baby and that baby growing it'self a guitar while it was still in the womb by it's sheer willpower and desire to kick every other guitarist alive in the teeth. Overall, their style is much like older Nightwish, when they still had Tarja, but with guitars from Dragonforce, but better. The sheer out-of-bumfuck-nowhere mindfucking awesome that this band has from a talent perspective wins them my best of the year award, stealing the victory from Mr. Tremonti himself- an accomplishment worth writing to Olympus and good ol' Dad Chuck about. Now, I know what you're thinking; Parkway Drive's new album had enough raw brutal to maim you and every one of your descendants for the next millenia or so, and The Devil Wears Prada's EP kicked enough ass to put Hollywood's action movie division out of business, but, both of those were expected; if one of those had come from out of bumfuck nowhere, they'd have gotten the award, but for them, that's par for the course, or, maybe a birdie, but still, they cannot compete with the baby of Zeus and Mr. Norris.
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| No witty comment here, keep reading. |
Also not Mr. Tremont, Eyes Set to Kill's third album: Broken Frames. From a technical standpoint their musicianship is simply are not as technical as Alterbridge, or many of the other bands that I could have chosen, but the way they integrate excellent metalcore style screams and Alexia's beautiful vocals is a feat still unmatched in my listening. Other bands have come close, others can sing a tiny bit better, others can probably scream a better, others have much more technical and faster guitarists, and others are more brutal, but no others work together as well and have such a coherent sound.
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| Again with you looking for the witty comments, just look at the damn picture and keep reading, seriously, the girls in the band are good looking, and I like to at least think my writing is amusing, so, dammit, just read the next paragraph. Read it or orphans will cry, and they'll know it was you, and they'll keep their tears so that one day they can drown you in them. Now you wish you had just kept reading and looked at the picture, don't you? Well, too late, maybe try again in 2012. |
Hmmm........ I don't listen to bad music all that much, but, I suppose if Nickleback released anything, or if there was a country album that tried to feature great country 'singing' then maybe that, but, I don't want to punish myself enough to go find something. So, I'll just say Nickleback wins again, with a close runner up for Nirvana, simply because people still listen to them.
Movies:
Best:
Kickass, Scott Pilgrim, Inception, How to Train Your Dragon, Paranormal Activity 2, the Crazies, Iron Man 2, Percy Jackson, Book of Eli, Shutter Island.... now that's quite a list of better than decent movies...
So, the WINNER is.... I have to give it to Paranormal Activity 2. Now, you're surely asking how in the frozen canadian hell that beat Inception. Hear me out: it's a sequel that was better than the first, and not only better, scarier. It is legitimately the only truly scary movie I have ever seen, with the exception of the first. And that to me is a truly UNIQUE accomplishment worth an award more than an intricate plot and phenomenal directing and effects.
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| This movie is more terrifying than the idea that people actually enjoy Kanye West's music. See, a witty comment, just for you. |
Scott Pilgrim. Also not Inception. Rating: Asskicking +10 Verdict: watch it now. Really, it is maybe the best adaptation of a graphic novel to film I have yet encountered. It's highly entertaining, has a useful message, well choreographed fights, and an 8 bit style with more class than Sean Connery on a yacht playing poker with Morgan Freeman.
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| I apologize in advance for Michael Cera, but everyone else is good enough to make up for him being a pussy. |
Human Centipede (thankfully I didn't watch it, only the trailer, but, it was enough), The Room (not 2010, i know, but this movie is bad enough to TRANSCEND TIME, don't believe me.... well then, go watch A clip on youtube, just one, that's all it takes, now then... go, no, really, GO WATCH IT, back? Oh hi. You see my point.)
Note the lack of small, indie, artsy movies. They're not here for several reasons. A.) I don't usually watch them and thus cannot render judgement B.) I don't watch them beacuse they usually suck more ass than an Oprah branded ass sucking vacuum that's been shoved up Oprah's own ass. Now, they're small and indie for a reasons, and it's not, for once, literally, once, that the populace is too dumb to figure them out, or appreciate them or some such bullshit, it is, factually, because most of them suck. If you disagree, ok, but, know that you're throwing your lot in with them, the ones that sit in coffee shops talking about things other people hate just because they can't stand the thought of being entertained, or of admitting that they'd enjoy it, rather, they prefer obscurity, and I'm ok with that, so they can fuck right off and I'll enjoy me some KickAss while they suffer through their misery of shitty scripts, worse actors, and drug addict directors.
Books:
um, I didn't read shit this year, well, not books from this year, well, other than text books, but, yeah... anyway.... honorary award to Mr. Oscar Wilde, why? because I can, and because in the realm of classical literature The Picture of Dorain Gray kicks Jane Austin's ass, and anything that kicks Jane Austin's ass is an automatic winner in my book.
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| Yep, this could tear off Jane Austin's face and feed it to her ancestors. |
Um... I refuse to say the iPad, so, I'll say the Kinect, not for it's gaming capabilities, but for what it represents as the next step forward in user interaction with digital media in any of it's forms; basically, it's the future, but not the future. The Future is still flying cars, but until those get here, this is pretty damn close.
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| Oh, wait, this is what the Kinect is used for... damn, this is "The Future".... Dammit Microsoft. We are so fucked. |
Oh, and I still want flying cars dammit. Maybe someone should call Stephen Hawking and get him on that one; they are the future after all, and if anyone's going to bring us the future, it's that mad genius son-of-a-bitch.
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