So, it's obviously now two days after July 4th, so for those of you who will give me crap for writing this now; well, you are obviously not American enough to be reading this. However, if you are not American enough, I know a film that can rip out your inner Canadian, tie it to a monster truck with the good old red, white, and blue and launch it into an Olympic-sized swimming pool full of cheeseburgers and Red Bull.
Independence Day is perhaps the greatest patriotic film of all time. Why is this, you may ask? This is because of the plot, which I am about to summarize fantastically (so yeah, spoiler alert and all that junk).
Independence Day is perhaps the greatest patriotic film of all time. Why is this, you may ask? This is because of the plot, which I am about to summarize fantastically (so yeah, spoiler alert and all that junk).
A race of hyper-advanced, genocidal, resource sucking, planet killing, bio-suit sporting, telepathic alien freaks roll up to our shiny little blue ball of mud and decide they want our dirt. So they park their 1/4 moon-sized space ship in orbit, and send death-discs down to rain super-napalm on our cities. Now, as far as the movie is concerned most of Earth's nations on the planet don't do anything other than chill and watch as their little civilizations are taken to flamey-ville. All nations, that is, except America.
America sees these big discs chilling over our cities and says, okay aliens, perhaps we'll see if we can be friends, and then take your technology; but of course the space freaks don't like our hovering light-bright, and decide to level New York, LA, and Washington. Now obviously, this pisses us off a little bit. Will Smith is the first to show how we really feel, giving an American-style Earth greeting. Then the re-incarnation of JFK steps in and says hey, my hair is too awesome for me to die, so let's kill 'em; right after I give the most patriotic speech of all time (yeah, that's right Lincoln..."Four-score and seven years ago"...psssssh, you've got nothing).
Just remember aliens: We're America, and we'll wreck you :D
> EpicError
America sees these big discs chilling over our cities and says, okay aliens, perhaps we'll see if we can be friends, and then take your technology; but of course the space freaks don't like our hovering light-bright, and decide to level New York, LA, and Washington. Now obviously, this pisses us off a little bit. Will Smith is the first to show how we really feel, giving an American-style Earth greeting. Then the re-incarnation of JFK steps in and says hey, my hair is too awesome for me to die, so let's kill 'em; right after I give the most patriotic speech of all time (yeah, that's right Lincoln..."Four-score and seven years ago"...psssssh, you've got nothing).
So Will and the world's smartest hippie/computer scientist roll up to the mother ship in a fighter we jacked in the 50's and kick alien rear with Windows 3.1 and a nuke. This sub-sequentially screws over all the little ships hovering around our rock, and America decides to be a champ and tell all the other nations: "Hey, fly a fighter-jet into the glowing green thing." (Which, by the way, further proves the theory that the weak point is always the thing to which the bad guys draw the most attention). This causes them to explode, and the world is saved thanks to good old Uncle Sam.
Now, at this point you should be saying to yourself: "This sounds like the greatest movie ever, and I would gladly pay my monies to see it." And you, fine reader, would be correct. This film is a patriotic cake baked with great acting, iced with amazing special effects, and sprinkled with great emotion and humor. It should be a mandatory viewing experience every year on the day it's named after, if not several other times all year.
Just remember aliens: We're America, and we'll wreck you :D
> EpicError
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